Maybe You Just Need Space

I'd only hit shanked about 11 balls before I wanted to throw my racquet over the fence and stomp off the court like an angry teenager who just got their phone taken away...

It was last Thursday at my first tennis lesson of the season. We have a new pro at the club this year, and for some reason I felt so much pressure to "impress" him.

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Honestly, I was also pressuring myself to be "as good" as I was before (read: not very good), despite not picking up my racquet all last season.

I took up tennis three years ago after my parents died as a way to distract myself decompress.

In those early grief days, I appreciated being on the other side of the court from the pro so I could hide the hot tears streaming down my beet-red face.

Every swing of the racquet felt like an opportunity to beat the sh*t out of cancer, grief, loss, disappointment, funerals, anger, headstones, writing obituaries, lawyers, etc. etc.

Sometimes I hit the ball so hard I scared myself.

My Serena-like screams (without the Serena-like swings) alone should have told me everything I needed to know about the anger below the surface that felt so big, I was afraid it would turn into an atomic bomb if let out.

But when it came time to re-up my lessons last summer, I was about as interested in playing as I am in watching paint dry.

I'd come to associate tennis with my grief.

So I took the summer off. I promoted my book, spoke at Kit's Craft + Commerce conference, and did dozens of podcast interviews.

But this spring as Long Island turned green and the cherry blossoms started blizzarding, I found myself pulling out my pleated white Lululemon tennis skirt and re-gripping my racquet.

🎾 I was ready to get back out there.

I knew playing tennis again would be hard. It was always hard. But what I didn't expect was to feel like a beginner... again.

When something doesn't feel easy, quickly, my instinct is to bolt.
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I don't like that about myself, but it's true.

As the lesson went on, I shanked less and got back into the swing of it (literally 😂).

By the end of my lesson, I ditched some (old) bad habits and found my footing. I hit just as hard as I used to... just with hot sweat pouring down my face instead of tears.

What's the point of me sharing this with you, Reader?

Sometimes in order to see improvement, we need to give things space to breathe.

We also need to be more patient with and kind to ourselves as we learn new things.

In an era where you can have a drone deliver a coffee to a park, or you can prompt AI to redecorate your living room, we're not exactly patient anymore.

I needed space between my "tennis era" and my grief so I didn't equate them with one another.

The same is true with social media.

I built a multi 7-figure online business on social media. I posted from my dad's hospital room, answered DMs while on hold with his insurance company, and used it as a pacifier in my darkest days.

It's no surprise that since my parents died, I've wanted to be offline more. I've seen what the end looks like (twice) and I don't want to look up one day and realized I missed my entire life watching someone else's.

Now, I show up differently on Instagram. Yes, I have to be online a lot for my still-growing business... but I'm also figuring out how to spend more of my time offline (and on the court?), too.

No, this isn't just possible because of the size of my business or audience.

I talk all about how to show up on social less, but in a more impactful way in this week's episode of my podcast, On Your Terms®️. 🎧 LISTEN HERE→ "I Pulled Back From Social Media. It Performed Better."

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⚠️ Before you go, I have an important question for you, Reader:

How are you feeling about being online, social media, your screen time? Do you want to spend more time offline (even though you have a business on it)? If so, what's getting in the way?

In other words, do you want to live more of an analog life without moving off-grid and still having your business online?

I want to write more about building a life offline in an online world -- I'm talking hobbies, community, freeing yourself from the algorithm to find your own likes/interests/preferences again... but I need to know:

Is that something you'd like to hear more about?

I feel like everyone talks about how to spend less time on your phone, logging off, etc... but not a lot of people talk about what to do once you log out. And you especially don't hear people talk about this who run multi 7-figure businesses online...

Hit "reply" and tell me if that's something you're even thinking about these days. I want to hear!

If I do talk about these topics, it be on my Substack (subscribe free here).

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📆 I'm such a big fan of batching content and getting super ahead with my business -- but lately I learned a valuable lesson on how being so productive kills my content ideas. Read my latest Substack essay, "How my productivity killed my creativity"→​

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